Sleeping In Might Kill Us (But Poetry Might Save Us)

I have a problem.

I sleep in. No matter how early I go to bed, no matter where I am in the world, I am always tired in the morning. So when I have to get up, I never can. Now, I understand that this is a thing that most people experience, but it seems serious in my case. Like, I want to get up, but I actually can’t do it. My eyelids will not stay open without toothpicks propping them up, but that makes me feel like I’m in a toothpick prison so it’s not worth it. Thus, I hit whatever button I can find to make that horrific beeping stop, and I roll over, back into my second life which is that lived in dreamland. And then I wake up five minutes later because the button I happened to hit was the snooze button when the one I was aiming for was the let-me-sleep-forever button, and I still want to sleep. At this point however, things are getting clearer. I can actually open my eyes, for starters. I also now know where I am, and I can quantify how much I want to stay in bed. And of course, I can think about all the things I have to do: class, essays, laundry, cleaning. So the clock gives me five more minutes (wrong button again!) and at the end of that time, which is starting to feeling like a taunt, I can see even clearer. Now I can see past where I am and what I have to do, and I can see what I want to do. I remember that I had an amazing idea for a novel last night and that I planned to write it today, and I remember that my friend who I haven’t seen in ten years wanted to meet for lunch. I remember that there was an internship I wanted to apply for and I remember that there were people who needed saving today. But it’s just so much. It’s too much. I can open my eyes now, but I choose to close them. Then I hit the clock (where is that let-me-sleep-forever button?!) and officially drown myself in the counterproductive cycle that is the snooze button. There is so much to do that I just go back to sleep. And it seems to happen every single morning.

So. That’s where my problem stands. Sleeping in is my worst habit. I love the morning, I don’t want to sleep in, but here I am. This morning however, I woke up a little earlier than usual and had some time to sit in the corner and think about what I’ve done, and also about how sleeping in might very negatively affect our society in the long run. And I had a little more time, so I put my thoughts into a poem:

The Snooze Button

It’s 12PM and all is quiet

In this town no dogs bark

No bicycle wheels spoke

No vendors speak.

One more hour and we might be up.

Nothing’s getting done, except in our dreams

Where we can do anything, and it’s safer to try

“There’s so much I can do that it hurts my head,

So this morning I think I’ll just stay in my bed.”

I could do anything here, too

I could write a song

I could write a book

I could get on the subway and meet someone new

I could walk somewhere.

“Sleeping in will be our downfall.”

“As if it will cause any movement at all.”

So see? I don’t get nothing done; in my waking hours I think I actually get quite a bit done… I think. But I just wish I had more time. I wish I could get up and give myself more time. Because there’s only so much of it and I, and I think a lot of other people, waste too much of it sleeping in.

Now. About those other people. We all seem to be dying at the hand of sleep, but we’re clearly all trying to cope with it through poetry. I’ve put together a list of songs (which are poems) that you can listen to to understand that if you sleep in, you’re not alone. I’ve also added my favourite line from each song, and why it can comfort you who will want to sleep in forever.

1. The Smiths – “Asleep”

Favourite line: “Sing me to sleep / And then leave me alone”

This line is amazing because it addresses the paradoxical desire we sleeper-inners have: the desire for someone to be there as we fall asleep and then to let us sleep long after they want us to wake again. I think it represents my paradoxical problem with sleeping in: there’s so much I want to do, and so many people I want to see but… I just want to be left alone.

2. The Beatles – “I’m Only Sleeping”

Favourite line: “I’m ONLY sleeping”

That word: only. I love it. Sleeping in isn’t always big deal. Sometimes – often – it’s well-deserved.

3. Mary Poppins – “Stay Awake”

Favourite line: “You’re not sleepy as you seem”

This is what I tell myself, Mary Poppins. Over and over again, I sing this to myself as I try to get up. BUT IT DOESN’T WORK! Your reverse psychology has reverse-psychologied me. I thought it would be more of a creepy-hypnosis thing that would wake me but alas, your lullabic skills have charmed me in the same way they charmed those adorable children. Have you any other suggestions? (Also those children are adorable).

4. The Postal Service – “Sleeping In”

Favourite line: “I plan on sleeping in”

That’s what I need. A plan. And the confidence to carry it out, without all of this worrying and this writing… but then, that’s what you’re doing, is it not, Mr. Gibbard? Writing rather than sleeping? Ha! We’re not so confident, are we… (P.S. please reunite the band! I will wake up for you!)

5. Jack Johnson – “Banana Pancakes”

Favourite line: “And we could pretend it all the time”

Wishful thinking. In pretending there’s no world outside, that is. But I’m okay with it. I’m okay with pretending, for just one… more… morning…

So, here we are. With a problem and some poetry. Does anyone have answers to our questions? How will we stop sleeping in? Answers would be helpful for sleeper-inners all over the world like us, so that we don’t find ourselves in this town I write of, this town that we might have already created. Please advise?:)

RJ

Problems I Have With Christmas Music

So, at my work, we listen to Christmas music for the last half of November and all of December. And when you think about it, there isn’t a lot of Christmas music out there. There are a LOT of renditions of Christmas songs, but not too many different songs. So, I really hear about 10 different songs every day, just sung by many more people. Anyway, I’ve learned the lyrics to all of them (despite my efforts to avoid doing just this) and there are a few problematic ones. So, today, I am writing a little list called “Problems I Have With Christmas Music” in which I will examine the cruces within the songs we hear every day in December. Please enjoy. (The songs are in no particular order. They are all equally awful. Click on the titles to listen and as you do, picture me listening to these 10 times a day for a month!).

1. Run Rudolph Run

This problem is in the title. Rudolph doesn’t run. He flies. Unless it’s taxi or takeoff, in which case, I get the instruction. However, I would have clarified this had I written it.

2. Sleigh Ride

One verse starts “There’s a happy feeling / Nothing in this world can buy.” This is ironic as the next 8 lines go on to list definitely purchasable items: coffee, pie – a Currier and Ives print for goodness’ sake! Clearly the happy feeling is being bought. The singer is just too high on his/herself to realize that he/she too is submitting to the capitalism of Christmas.

3. The Christmas Song

The problem arises in the relationship between the classic first line, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” and the line that appears just one verse later, “Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow.” The tiny tots are way too close to the fire. In the song, and in the scene. It’s an open fire. Kids should not be sitting close enough to reflect the flames in their eyes. This is not safe.

4. Last Christmas (Wham!)

We’re going a little more pop-y with this one. But I had to include it because it caused my coworkers and I quite a bit of stress today. First problematic line: “Last Christmas / I gave you my heart / But the very next day you gave it away.” Okay, I don’t think the person receiving the heart, the person the song is sung to, is being as mean as listeners usually assume. He or she is clearly not throwing it away, but rather giving it away. It’s a nice gesture! Like a sweater that doesn’t fit. You pass it on so that someone else can wear it. I think the original recipient of the heart is actually setting the singer up with a friend, which I see as sort of sweet. Second problematic line: “This year / To save me from tears / I’ll give it to someone special.” This half of the chorus returns the heart to the singer; for some reason, he/she has it again! How did this work though? The first recipient “gave it away!” Was there a ton of re-gifting that led the heart back? There’s no way the singer could have gotten the heart back without going through a very long and awkward process. Unless this singer has multiple hearts. In which case, why is he/she even considering crying? One heart doesn’t work out, try another one. As you can see, this tune is a big problem for me.

5. My Only Wish This Year (Britney Spears)

In the second line of the chorus, Britney sings “I have been so good this year.” This is ironic, considering the fact that the song was released in the year 2000. Which was not Britney’s most wholesome annum.

6. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The chorus of this problematic tune says, “There’ll be scary ghost stories.” The issue: no one tells ghost stories at christmas. The songwriter was definitely getting confused with Halloween. But it’s okay, the holidays are only two months apart. It’s a mistake everyone makes at least once. I often find myself offering trick-or-treaters Christmas cake and decorating a jack-o’-lantern on December 24th.

7. Winter Wonderland

A happy song, right? WRONG! One of the verses about the multiform snowman says, “We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman / Until the other kids knock him down.” Yes. This is a song about elementary school bullies. And bullies who are under ten AND in the snow, they are the worst kind.

8. Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer

Yes, we’re back to Rudolph. And we’re continuing on the theme of bullies. Or more, false friends. Ever noticed how quickly all the reindeer have a change of heart? It’s shallow. They only want him for his fame. They only like him for his label, not who he really is and always will be, even if he loses his role as Santa’s guide. I’ll bet these reindeer were the ones that knocked the Winter Wonderland kids’ snowman down.

9. Mistletoe (Justin Bieber)

I hate to go back to the popular Christmas genre, especially as it includes Justin Bieber. But we’ll make it quick. The issue: “I should be chillin’ with my folks, I know.” Justin. No one “chills” with their folks. For a kid who’s trying as hard as you are to be cool, you should know this.

10. Let It Snow

This one upsets me. Specifically, the lines, “Since we’ve no place to go / Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.” Earlier, the singer established the weather as “frightful.” So the roads are bad. And I don’t care if these two lovers have no place to go, I can guarantee that someone out there does have some place to go. I think it is extremely selfish to wish even more snow on the already frightful conditions. Think about all the people trying to get home for Christmas! Christmas is a time of selflessness and giving. And this songwriter failed to see that. Instead, he wrote a song about his individual happiness and how it didn’t matter if people all over the world were spinning out and getting stuck in snowbanks as a result of his very Scrooge-like wish.

So, what I hope this list has established, is that my only wish this year (thanks for the prompt, Britney) is to hear none of these songs ever again, or to at least hear a message from the artists before or after their respective songs, in which they explain themselves.

Tell me what you thought of the list, and please, comment! What lyrical cruces give you personal trouble? I would love to hear!:)

RJ